The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
