Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
that may or may not have been my penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
