I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
