I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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