Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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