we're chasing vodka with high fives
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is Oprah even human
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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