I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
