Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
