i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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