was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I need to calm my uterus...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
