you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
