It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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