i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
