Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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