Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
