I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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