i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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