What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
