where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
