fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
