He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
