he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
