Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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