She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
