he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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