life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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