it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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