Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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