I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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