I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i already hear my dad disowning me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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