It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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