How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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