After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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