omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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