it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
