Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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