I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
