if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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