My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Come on in and take your pants off
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