Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
