I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FUCK WHALES
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
