It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
