I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
