She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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