omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
