i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
