She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
