this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
