I wish I could teleport
I just saw a hot homeless man
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
