a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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