Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found the puke drawer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
