oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
